Aaron Chair
 | This article contains profanity or other material which may be considered offensive. |
Aaron Chair | |
|---|---|
| Born | 1995 (age 28–29) |
| Other names | "the shitass" |
| Occupations | Militant Ideologue |
| Known for | Founder of the Johnston's Creek Liberation Army |
Aaron 'the shitass' Chair was a Johnston's Creek militant and ideologue. He was known to police as a terrorist.
Biography
Aaron Chair was born in 1995 in the Sydney suburb of Camperdown to middle-class parents of Polish origin. He was one of four children, with him being the second oldest. He attended Newington College until 2004 when he was expelled for assaulting a teacher with a shard of broken glass after the teacher said that 'communism is bad'. After being expelled he attended Newtown Performing Arts for the rest of his schooling. After graduating from school he took a job at Kmart in broadway where he worked until 2017 when one of his childhood friends, Rake McShit founded a micronation called the Johnston's Creek Republic. He immediately became vice president and head of the Communist Party. In 2019, when the Johnston's Creek Republic was 'invaded' by the Australian Federal Police and Rake McShit was arrested. The Australian Federal Police only raided the micronation because Rake McShit had three outstanding warrants for his arrest (one for illegal possession of a military grade weapon, and two for grand larceny in the United States). Upon the dissolution of the republic, Aaron Chair founded and organised the Johnston's Creek Liberation Army, a leftist terrorist group.
Life in the Movement
Aaron has engaged in over 30 terrorist attacks, only 1 of which was successful. He typically tried to hijack "Imperialist" assets, such as vehicles or buildings using fake bomb threats, however on 13 April 2019, Aaron utilized a legitimate explosive to hijack a Coles Express convenience store. On 13 April at 3:35 pm, Aaron stormed the store and took 3 people hostage, 1 employee and 2 customers, 1 of which was an elderly man. He showed the employee the explosive vest he was wearing and began punching the elderly customer, demanding the employee give ownership of the building to the Johnston's Creek Liberation Army. The Employee refused for over 3 hours, during that time, police arrived and began negotiations with Aaron. After 5 hours of negotiations, the employee gave Aaron a scribbled on napkin claiming it was the deed to the property. Aaron believed the employee and ran out of the building's back door and engaging in a foot chase. He ran for 30 meters before collapsing from dehydration. He was arrested, and later released on bail.
Scam Operation
Aaron began a scam operation from his apartment, attempting to illegally raise funds for the Johnston's creek liberation movement. He used his landline and dialed random numbers until someone answered. He proceeded to say that the person's TV remote has a virus and needed to have its batteries changed for a fee of $15. He was rejected every time. Finally, after no success, he decided to call the Katoomba Police Station and scam them. The police sent 5 officers to Aaron's apartment and arrested him. His scam operation spanned 3 days with 5 phone calls and $0 profit.
Death
Aaron 'the shitass' Chair passed away in 2020 after being attacked by Japitty Cumquat. The official police report states: "at around 11:00 am on the 21 of September, Aaron Chair walked down from the headquarters of the terrorist organisation, the Johnston's Creek Liberation Army to Badu Park and began to confront other well known terrorist Japitty Cumquat for 'oppressing Johnston's Creek' and attempted to stab him with a small flip-knife. In retaliation Japitty Cumquat punched him in the head and stabbed him to death with his own knife and then dragged the body of Aaron Chair to the back of Badu Park and threw him into Johnston's Creek." A critique of the group stated, named Chet McAss stated to the press: 'Chair's death was entirely his fault, he knew of the dangers of provoking Cumquat but still proceeded to do so'. Three days after killing chair, Japitty Cumquat was arrested for murder and put on trail where his lawyer, David Chinchilla stated: 'my client only acted in aggression and self defence therefore i do not like raw egg'. The judge then sentenced cumquat to time served (1 day and five hours) after stating 'i don't want to deal with these two imbeciles again', in reference to Cumquat and Chinchilla
Political Views & Personal Life
Aaron Chair is deceased so he has no personal life. He was known to be a radical communist and Johnston's Creek ultra-nationalist.