Johnston's Creek Liberation Army
Johnston's Creek Liberation Army
|Supreme Commander||Aaron Chair (2019 - 2021) |
David Toolchest (2021 - Present)
|Chief Staffer||Pregnant Nathan|
|Headquarters||top level of the Annandale post office|
|Newspaper||Jonstons Creek Manifesto|
|Membership (2022)||5 (2020-2022) 15, 2 in prison (2022-present)|
|Political position||far left|
|Slogan||Glory to Jonstons Creek|
The Johnston's Creek Liberation Army is a militant separatist organisation founded in 2019, whose aims are for the independence and creation of the Greater Johnston's Creek Republic. Johnston's Creek is a small urban canal located in Sydney's inner west.
The Johnston's Creek Liberation Army was founded in 2019 by a small group of dissidents from the Johnston's Creek Republic, a small micronation that lay claim to Johnston's Creek. The leader of the small group was Aaron 'the shitass' Chair, who was a radical Johnston's Creek nationalist. The small group then became the Johnston's Creek Council in an attempted to restore the previous republic. This ultimately failed and the small group vowed to start a so-called 'liberation campaign'. They changed there name the following day to the Johnston's Creek Liberation Army. The groups first act of resistance was writing the words 'glory to Johnston's Creek' in sharpe on a NSW public bus stop. Aaron 'the shitass' Chair was killed by Japitty Cumquat on the 21 of September 2020. A critique of the group stated: 'Chair's death was entirely his fault, he knew of the dangers of provoking Cumquat but still proceeded to do so'. Leadership of the Johnston's Creek Liberation Army was passed to Aaron 'the shitass' Chair's second in command, David Toolchest.
The JCLA are a separatist movement who's main objective is the formation and independence of a republic enclosing the region of Johnston's Creek between Douglas Grant Park and Badu Park. Their secondary objectives include the instigation of a Badu Parkian revolution that overthrows Japitty Cumquat, and the separation of Johnston's Creek from the Commonwealth of Australia, which includes Australian law enforcement ceasing all activity and ending its influence in Johnston's Creek.
The JCLA is organised into two splinter factions: the JCLA-CP and JCLA-DF. The JCLA-CP (standing for Johnston's Creek Liberation Army - Communist Party) is made up of two members who are radical communists while the Johnston's Creek Liberation Army - Democratic Front (JCLA-DF) is made up of one person who believes in more conservative policies.
The JCLA relies on a cell structure to engage in clandestine activities. The main cell is the JCLA Creek Front, which is the guerrilla force based in the creek itself, mostly engaging in armed resistance against the Badu Park military, closely allied with former IPCP states, in particular, the Empire of Douglas Grant Park. The second cell is the JCLA External Division, who are the cell most known for engaging in terrorist activity, mostly operating outside of the creek in Badu Park and the surrounding Annandale area.
The Johnston's Creek Liberation Army is fairly active, although they have agreed to a cease fire with the Imperial Park Colonisation Pact. There are reported to be around five active members of the Johnston's Creek Liberation Army. There are also two splinter groups: JCLA-CP and JCLA-DF. The JCLA-CP (standing for Johnston's Creek Liberation Army - Communist Party) is made up of two members who are radical communists while the Johnston's Creek Liberation Army - Democratic Front (JCLA-DF) is made up of one person who believes in more conservative policies. As a result of there terrorist campaign the NSW Police have listed the group and its splinters as a terrorist organisation. The Johnston's Creek Liberation Army is headquartered in the top level Annandale Post Office (which they call the Johnston's Creek Republican Embassy)
List of 'Attacks'
- 18 April 2019 - one member of the Johnston's Creek Liberation Army wrote the words 'glory to Johnston's Creek' in sharpe on a NSW public bus stop.
- 13 April 2019 - Aaron Chair utilised a legitimate explosive to hijack a Coles Express convenience store, not detonating the device, being arrested after a short chase.
- 2 of May 2019 - a member of the JCLA lit a cluster of small firecrackers in the back of a bus causing no major injuries and minimal damage to the bus.
- 9 of July 2019 - two members of the JCLA-CP defaced the Liberal Party of Australia, NSW Division headquarters in Sydney.
- 10 of July 2019 - a member of the Johnston's Creek Liberation Army lit a cluster of firecrackers in the Melbourne CBD. No one was injured or killed
- 25 of December 2019 - One member of the JCLA set off a party popper in a Post Office
- 1 January 2020 - a member of the Johnston's Creek Liberation Army walked into the Port Adelaide Plaza (in Adelaide) with five firecrackers taped to himself. He lit them and subsequently sustained very severe injures
- 21 of September 2020 - Aaron 'the shitass' Chair walked to Badu Park and assaulted Japitty Cumquat. Aaron 'the shitass' Chair was subsequently attacked and killed by Cumquat in a fit of rage.
- 22 of September 2020 - a member of the JCLA-DF defaced a NSW Greens party office in Sydney.
- 2 of December 2020 - a Johnston's Creek Liberation Army - Democratic Front member launches a firecracker at a local Labour Party member in Melbourne causing minimal damage
- 8 of December 2020 - a JCLA-CP member lit a cluster of firecrackers alight whistle in an hotel elevator in New York. Everybody in the elevator sustained minor injuries. This marked the first oversees attack perpetrated by the group
- 9 of January 2021 - a member of the JCLA robbed a man at night in the Sydney suburb of kings cross
- 12 of February 2021 - The Johnston's Creek Liberation Army kidnapped well known Neo-Nazi ideologue, Charles Jackson. They proceeded to torture him (beating him with iron poles, and forcing him to watch gay porn) before dumping him in Johnston's Creek. Charles Jackson now suffers from PTSD and has renounced his Nazi ideology.
- 30 of October 2021 - a member of the JCLA-CP robbed an investment banker and stole his car.
- 18 February 2022 - A van bomb made with propane tanks was detonated in the Sydney Airport parking building. The detonation caused catastrophic structural damage, however thankfully no one was killed in the attack. 36 people were injured with 18 needing hospitalisation. The NSW police called the attack 'a cowardly act of hate'. The attack was reportedly funded and planned by the Eyes of the Revolution.
- 3 of April 2022 - The Johnston's Creek Liberation Army kidnapped neo-nazi journalist Cody Bergstien. They beat him in the back of a van and sprayed him with water from a public toilet. They released a $20,0000,000 ransom for his release. The NSW government stated publicly that they would not pay the ransom. The Johnston's Creek Liberation Army threatened to castrate and kill him if the ransom was not met. The NSW Police stormed the warehouse where Bergstien was being held and freed him with little resistance from the JCLA. Two members of the JCLA were arrested and sentenced to 25 years of prison for terrorism related charges.
- 14 of May 2022 -Two members of the JCLA ambushed and killed three members of the Dick Smith Holy Warfare Brigade, in 'retaliation' for the killing Aaron 'the shitass' Chair.
- 2 February 2023 - A backpack bomb was left in Kennards Storage, detonating, killing one civilian. The bomber was identified as a JCLA militant but was not arrested.
The Johnston's Creek Liberation Army is entirely funded by art theft. The group routinely steals cheap art prints from offices and businesses and sells them on eBay. This has become so prolific that the Annandale Galleries has ex-SAS armed guards stationed outside 24/7 equipped with AK-47s to protect them from theft. The Johnston's Creek Liberation Army also receives finical support and equipment from the Xahastanian Eyes of the Revolution and the Imperial Park Colonisation Pact.