Second Boys vs Girls War

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Second Boys vs Girls War

Midget Army soldiers force open Caroline's door during the final attack on her bedroom.
Date20:14 - ~21:00; 20 August 2005
Result Stalemate - status quo ante bellum
Midget Army Yr. 2-3¹ girls
Commanders and leaders

Commander Gregory

Midget Master Jonathan
Caroline Austen
5 2
¹As the conflict took place during the summer holidays, the girls were in no actual school year. They had left Yr. 2 at the end of July and would be joining Yr. 3 at the start of September.

The Second Boys vs Girls War was a conflict which took place on the evening of 20 August 2005 during a party at the house of Midget Master Jonathan (II), what is now the Austenasian Imperial Residence.


Four members of the Midget Army - including Commander Gregory - had been invited to a party at what is now the Imperial Residence. The Midget soldiers started to do training missions, using the garden and running around the house. Gregory suggested that the Midget Army invade the room of Midget Master Jonathan's sister, the now Crown Princess Caroline of Austenasia, to assert the Midget Empire's authority. Despite Midget Master Jonathan's initial protests, the minds of the Midget Army were made up, especially when toy weapons were found.


First battle

Gregory took control of the Midget Army and led an attack against Caroline's room. She and her guest resisted the invasion, and Gregory soon gave up and withdrew back to Jonathan's room.

Second battle

Midget Master Jonathan was criticised for not taking active command and so was blamed for the failure of the initial attack. He therefore led the second attack against Caroline's room. The door was forced open; Caroline was taken back to the Midget Master's room as a captive and her guest surrendered to the authority of the Midget Empire. However, Caroline escaped before she could be made to surrender, and went back to her room.

Third battle

Midget Master Jonathan led an attack to recapture his sister and reassert the authority of the Midget Empire over the whole top floor. However, despite the Midgets forcing open Caroline's door, the attack soon lost impetus, with most of the Midgets simply playing around, some returning to Jonathan's room before Caroline could be made to surrender. The attack was abandoned, and Caroline fortified her room.

Fourth battle

Irritated that his forces had not yet managed to emerge totally victorious, Midget Master Jonathan led another attack. The girls' door was forced open despite their fortifications, but Caroline refused to surrender. The Midget Army took a "hostage" (a Barbie doll) and tried to get back to Jonathan's room while Caroline tried to take back the Barbie. However, Jonathan and Caroline's father (the future Emperor Terry I of Austenasia) came upstairs after hearing the shouting and told the Midgets to give back the hostage Barbie doll and both groups to stop fighting each other.


The Midget Master ordered his soldiers to obey his father's instructions, and Caroline agreed to a ceasefire. All of the war so far had been filmed by a Midget Army soldier called Alex on a camcorder. Some of the Midget Army soldiers began playing with the camera and Midget Master Jonathan handed out some sweets to further distract interest in the invasions, which was initially successful, despite Gregory continuing to encourage another attack.

Fifth battle

Irritated that the five Midget Army soldiers had not managed to defeat two younger girls, Gregory forced open Caroline's door again with the help of another soldier. They were driven back, and Caroline entered Jonathan's room. The Midget Master declared this a breach of the ceasefire - initially unaware that it had been Gregory who had provoked the incursion - and Gregory led a counter-attack, forcing back Caroline and seizing another Barbie and some toy jewellery from Caroline's room. However, Gregory's brother called for a withdrawal from the room without first making Caroline surrender, due to worries that they would once more land themselves in trouble with Jonathan's father.

Sixth battle

Jonathan attempted to arrange a permanent ceasefire with Caroline while his soldiers continued to play with the camera, but was unsuccessful, and playful insults began to be exchanged between the two groups ("the little smelly girls", "Caroline the crazy monkey", and "son of a toilet" being three well-remembered examples). Caroline took a toy sword from the Midgets, which Jonathan retrieved. The two girls then went downstairs, and Gregory led the Midget Army in pursuit while Jonathan attempted to tidy up the mess which had been made in his room. The girls sat down with the adults in the garden, protecting them from Gregory's forces. Devoid of a military objective, they started filming each other slide down the stairs and argue about who should be allowed to use the camera.

Meanwhile, the girls went back upstairs, taking a toy shield from Jonathan's room, and in order to reunite the arguing soldiers Midget Master Jonathan organised a half-hearted attack on Caroline's room, but allowed his soldiers to withdraw and go back to playing with the camera after the shield was successfully retrieved. However, Caroline entered Jonathan's room, taking the toy shield again. Jonathan told his soldiers not to go after her, and after getting all the Midgets in his room suggested locking the door so as to avoid further conflict with the girls. However, this did not happen, and Caroline attacked Jonathan's bedroom, taking more items. Attempting to put a final end to the conflict, Jonathan forced her out and attempted to once more gain entry to her room. After forcing open her door, a battle between the Midgets and the girls took place on the landing, which resulted in both Caroline and Midget Master Jonathan faking minor injury as to avoid being blamed by their father. Both sides withdrew, and Midget Master Jonathan absolutely forbade any further attack on Caroline's room.


The usually strict discipline of the Midget Army was incredibly lax during this conflict. Commander Gregory explicitly went against the Midget Master's orders and wishes several times, with most of the soldiers present listening to him over Jonathan. The cause of this can be assumed to have been the party atmosphere and a presumption that as the conflict was taking place outside of the Playground, it would have no real impact on the Midget Empire. However, this presumption was false. Unlike the Battle of the Push Bench Gang and the First Battle of the Grove, Jonathan did not implement or even propose any great battle plans or military strategies, but instead simply attempted to stop the battles from taking place - or, when he felt forced to do so, led half-hearted attacks with a morale- rather than a victory-focused objective. Unlike any battles he had conducted before, he had a superior authority which he had to take into account: his father. Gregory had no such restraint, and so was able to lead attacks at will.


Despite the conflict technically ending in a stalemate, it was seen as a defeat by the rest of the Midget Army when news reached the Playground after the summer holidays. The Midget Master was seen as having failed to assert Midget superiority, whereas Gregory was seen as a valiant warrior who had attempted to gain a victory for the Midget Army. This was one of the causes of the Second Coup, which resulted in the triumvirate system of government which made it so easy for the Midget Empire to collapse in September 2006.

On 30 December 2009, Midget Master Caroline III issued a formal apology "to all those adversely affected by the hostile actions taken by the Midget Army on 20 August 2005". This resulted in the unusual situation whereby Midget Master Caroline was effectively apologising to herself and her friend for the actions of her predecessor's soldiers.