United Slabovian Empire
This article contains too many red links, and may be going through a major copy edit. You can help by clicking on red links and creating articles or by removing unnecessary red links.
United Slabovian Empire
|Motto: Post Hoc Ergo Propter Hoc |
"After this, therefore because of this"
|Official languages||English |
• 2018 estimate census
|Currency||Tesla (T), New Llama (Ł)|
The United Slabovian Empire (also known as Slabovia) is a micronation founded (retroactively) by George Bragg, Patrick Goddard, Rankin MacGillivray, and David Yarker in the mid 1980s. Its origins can be traced to those ridiculous questions that teachers used to ask in early high school, like "an apple costs $3.50 in Outer Slabovia where the tax rate is 21%. What is the total tax payable on a baker's dozen of apples?" By grade 11 the founders had figured out that there was no Slabovia and set about creating one so that such questions could be contested (which never actually worked).
There are six notable periods of Slabovia's history:
- The Colonial Days
- The BBS Period
- The Poker Period
- The Purple Reign
Slabovia exists in the hearts, minds and bodies of its noble and righteous citizens. The territory extends to any land or object, owned or rented, by a citizen of Slabovia for the duration of their use of said land or object, as well as any land which may be above a citizen after their passing to the next world. This territory is sacred and inviolable. It shall not be ceded, reduced or broken up. This territory is claimed, occupied and administered by right of history and shall never be abandoned. Slabovia also claims ownership of several hundred acres on Mars.
Major cities include (in no particular order): Byetown (historical capital); Moronto (capital); Llamatown; Petawhowho; Montsurreal; No Worth Bay; Boredom; Frigina; Algarry; Fungus; Kowtowtown; Sam Frog's Disco; Goshawa; Blandford; and Phredericton.
The United Slabovian Empire shares borders with the Kingdom of Beers (Bud Weiser, King of Beers), and the Kingdom of Pain.
The United Empire of Slabovia is ruled with a velvet glove in an iron fist by a constitutional military dictatorship. However, this Government would be entirely functional if it weren't for Slabovia's inept, inefficient, and officiously bureaucratic Civil Service. The Slabovian Civil Service, led by Lord Yarker, is a very inbred bureaucracy consisting of 1,764 departments. Policies and practices of the Civil Service are rather Vogonesque in nature (minus the poetry). The Civil Service is the true broker of all power in Slabovia.
The reigning monarch, King George II, appoints appropriate nobles, and in some cases ordinary (or extraordinary) citizens, to preside over the various government portfolios. These positions are invested with the power of the crown within the parameters of the particular portfolio.
Given that Slabovia is a land-locked nation, the only armed force required is that of a Navey. The Navey of the United Slabovian Empire (NoUSE) has a long and embarrassing tradition of sailing land yachts in defence of the realm. (Read Histories of Prominent Navey Personnel here)
In keeping with Slabovia’s standards of inefficiency and chaos, the Navey has opted to disregard the typical navel rank structure, going only with officers (no enlisted men) to ensure a top-heavy environment. Trusting that the Slabovian High Command is issuing directives that meet the Nation’s standards of inefficiency, the Navey seeks to carry out these missions as efficiently as possible to ensure maximum inefficiency in the big picture (as inefficiency on a small scale, may actually serve to reduce the inefficiency of the master plan). IE maximum success of the already inherently inefficient plan.
The Navey is guided by the Planning Institute of the Navey. This institute is headed by three officers (PINHEADS) appointed by the Lord High Admiral. Its purpose is to advise the Lord High Admiral on all matters relating to Navel policies and activities. In practice, the Lord High Admiral very rarely disregards or goes against the advice of the PINHEADS. The Slabovian Fleet is made up of ten types (categories) of ships, subdivided by class, arranged in two primary fleets: The Incontinental Fleet under the command of CINCINC, and the Specific Fleet under the command of CINCSPEC. Slabovia's Space Forces are grouped in the BARFLEET (Bragg's Artemis Resources Fleet) under the command of BARFCINC.
For especially messy wetwork, the United Slabovian Maroon Corps is employed. Slabovia's Civil Service has recently adopted a new "access to information" policy and has declassified many of the Navey's Mission reports.
It would seem that Slabovia is perpetually in a "state of bore." At present, on two fronts (or backs, or sides, or whatever). For years, Slabovia has been allied with the Coca-Cola company in the Cola Wars, bringing the battle directly to the caramel-sweet hordes - those who march under the red, white, and blue swirl of evil. Simultaneously, with her military resources divided, Slabovia continues the hopeless battle against the invading ASOs (Alien Snail Overlords) while the rest of the world denies their very existence. Oh, and then there is the Bore on Error. 'Nuff said.
Military cooperation with Westarctica
In March 2019, Westarctica entered into a military-economic agreement with Slabovia to provide dress uniform tops for the female members of Slabovia's military. These uniform articles were only obtainable by utilizing a third-party supplier based in the United States, through which Grand Duke Travis had exclusive access.
The Freak Encyclopedia
Slabovia's official website is comprised entirely of a wiki known as "The Freak Encyclopedia" (a play on Wikipedia's tagline: The Free Encyclopedia). The robustness of their encyclopedia and it's singular dedication to the history and minutiae of Slabovia served as a partial inspiration for Encyclopedia Westarctica.
This page was taken from Encyclopedia Westarctica