David Chinchilla
David Chinchilla is an Australian civil transport lawyer and close friend of Japitty Cumquat. David Chinchilla also considers himself to be a 'world renowned poet' and 'prolific' podcaster.
Biography
Childhood
David Chinchilla was born in the Sydney suburb of Randwick in 1975, to Mark and Amy Chinchilla. David's father worked as a police officer and his mother worked as an accountant. David Chinchilla attended Killarney High School, where he met his now friend Japitty Cumquat. Chinchilla was considered 'mentally deficient', with his school placing him in an 'assisted learning' class. David rarely achieved above a D in most of his subjects, and had to do modified assignment tasks. Even with modified assignment tasks Chinchilla still struggled to achieve anything above a D. However Chinchilla was never diagnosed with any specific disorder. The only thing revealed about David's mental state during these investigations was that he had IQ score of 75. Despite his mental challenges David had a fairly robust vocabulary with him being able to use complex multisyllabic words correctly, but not being able to spell words as basic as because and therefore. Even with his low IQ David Chinchilla managed to complete year 10.
Years 11 & 12
David Chinchilla was first introduced to the law in his legal studies class where he became fascinated with the law, specifically laws pertaining to civil transportation. Through years 11 & 12 Chinchilla still rarely achieved above a D in all his subjects, with him failing almost all his exams besides a topic-quiz in civil transport law were he just barely passed. It was reported in one exam during the HSC that Chinchilla 'pissed himself out of rage'. This incident also sparked a new found phobia of clothing, specifically shirts.
University and Court Order
After leaving year 12 with a HSC and ATAR (granted on special circumstances) David applied for a legal studies scholarship at the University of Sydney, to which he was somehow granted (on basis of neurodiversity quota). He was regarded as as a 'general nuisance' and 'challenge in the classroom'. He was consistently reprimanded for not wearing clothes and 'public indecency'. After being warned multiple times about clothing standards, police were called and Chinchilla was arrested for public nudity. He was held at the police station of 48 hours before court where he was handed a court order. The court order stated that every morning a police officer would have to come to his dormitory and forcefully dress him. He was allowed to wear whatever he wanted as long as it was 'not revealing'. David Chinchilla graduated soon after.
Career in Law
After graduating from University of Sydney with a degree in law, Chinchilla established his own firm called David Chinchilla Law Services ltd. David Chinchilla advertised himself as a 'lawyer prodigy' and 'super crime lawyer'. Chinchilla was subsequently fined by NSW Fair Trade for 'misleading advertisement'. Soon after establishing his law firm David Chinchilla recived his first client, a man looking to dispute a parking fine. However in court David began to tell the judge that his client had committed a mass homicide and would like the death penalty. David's client immediately dismissed him as his lawyer which lead to a fistfight between David and his client. According to multiple sourced David was 'bashed shitless' despite initiating the fight. In the end the man was arrested for assault but was released on probation. Chinchilla was admitted to hospital for a major concussion and broken bones. After this incident David began to look for 'outside lawyers' and then hired a young Cheezit McDaniels as his 'co-lawyer'. Even after this David still continued to lose cases due to extreme incompetence. The only cases his law firm won were ones that were given to Cheezit McDaniels. Cheezit McDaniels was soon fired after he called David Chinchilla 'dumb' and a 'bad lawyer'.
After realising his shortcomings David soon 'semi-retired' from criminal law and began to focus on his 'true passion' of civil transport law, where he excelled. David soon won every civil transport case he assigned himself and soon became renowned as the best civil transport lawyer in Sydney. Despite his semi-retirement David Chinchilla is still Japitty Cumquat's personal lawyer.
Involvement in the Inner West Park Annexation Movement
David began working as Japitty Cumquat's personal lawyer in late 2020 after Japitty was indicted for his involvement in the Badu Park War, and subsequently required legal defence. David Chinchilla agreed to represent Japitty, but immediately lost the case. The defence's entire argument was that Japitty "thought it was funny" to engage in activity that is considered dissidence, and that punching pedestrians is his "god given right as an American" and therefore should not stand trial. It should be noted that Japitty Cumquat is not an American citizen. The result of the trial was that the Inner West Council would be permitted to refurbish Badu Park, while Japitty was forced to watch.
After the loss, David began being used as the "catch all legal advice" for all Inner West Park Annexation Movement nations. Despite his initial loss in court, David adopted the tactic of using his astute civil transport legal skills to reroute public transport through the houses of both his opposition, and neutral members involved with the trail including judicial staff and jury members to intimidate them into giving David the win. This worked with significant impact, and after the Badu Park Refurbishment Trial, David never lost a case for the Inner West Park Annexation Movement.
David has also involved himself in Mugahan conservative politics, running in one election representing the conservative party Mugahan Third, a semi-nationalist paleo-conservative party opposing the current military junta in Mugahan, which gained one vote, becoming the second largest political party in Mugahan, second to the Mugahan Democratically Elected Military Freedom Party of Martial Law and Traditional Libertarianism, which is the authoritarian-centrist party operating as the military junta, having a lose ideology known as "Mugahanian Hypoconservatism" which is described as a conservative-style economic policy with minimal government intervention, while maintaining strong engagement in social politics via the military junta. Despite this election being falsified, the one vote that slipped through was reportedly a "misinput" by Phillip Von Batman, who conducted the false election.
Personal life
Family & Friends
David Chinchilla is not in a relationship and has no real close friends besides Japitty Cumquat. David met Japitty during one of Japitty's court proceedings. David complemented Japitty's 'law skills' and the two have been friends ever since. David has also formed a rapport with the officer that forcefully dresses him in his Sunday pants, despite David constantly urinating on him as he is being dressed.
Addiction
David Chinchilla has a closeted raw egg addiction. David reports that he 'hates raw egg' but in reality he seems to like it. There have been many attempts to get him to stop eating raw egg, but all have failed. David has contracted salmonella 15 times and has been admitted to hospital 8 times for severe salmonella related illnesses.
Political Views
David Chinchilla has no known political views or opinions besides what he describes as "civil transport lawyerism". He has not clarified what this means. Douglas Grant Park has made claims that David Chinchilla is a Mugahan nationalist because of his involvement with the "Mugahan Third" political party, known for nationalist rhetoric. David denies this, saying he has minimal interest in politics and doesn't interface with the electoral processes of any country. This is contrary to his ties with Mugahan nationalist and leader of Mugahan Third, Ynwunce Honsepler, who advocates for Mugahan conservative nationalism. Ynwunce is known for his nationalist beliefs, even changing his name to a traditional Mugahanian name, and has reportedly used Mugahanian cultural symbolism to "romanticise" the Mugahanian national entity. David Chinchilla claims Ynwunce is his mechanic, and is "actually a pretty terrible human being" which has been corroborated with video evidence of Ynwunce stealing the gearbox from David's car and cutting his break lines, resulting in a head on motor vehicle accident involving three cars, resulting in only minor injuries.